A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey, and the stewardess asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust that he would rather suffer something terrible than let alcohol touch his lips. Paddy handed his drink back and said, “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”

One crisp morning in Dublin, Paddy O’Reilly was at the airport, about to board his flight to New York. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he had a kind heart and a talent for getting into strange situations. At the gate, a flight attendant asked for his boarding pass, and Paddy began searching his pockets, pulling out a sandwich, sunglasses, and even a rubber chicken—but no ticket.

After a moment of panic, he proudly handed over his lunch ticket instead. The attendant explained the mistake and gave him his actual boarding pass. Before boarding, Paddy asked if there would be peanuts on the flight and whether they were “magic peanuts,” since he had heard they could get you a free upgrade.

Once on the plane, he struggled with his seat number and seatbelt, needing help from others. When the captain announced they were flying at 35,000 feet, Paddy wondered if they were halfway to the moon. Later, when the peanuts arrived, he happily ate them and declined a drink, joking, “I’m already drunk on peanuts!”